               Things That Go 'BOOM' and Other Stuff That Rulez

                                 Issue Seven

                              

                                  Written by

                                  ----------

                                   Cerberus

                                  Count Zero 

                                  ----------

                              Shroud of Deception

                              Gut Shoveler (Gutz)

                                 616.775.2945

                                  ----------

                                    5-05-94



WARNING: Don't try this at home.  If you're stupid enough to try any of this

shit, we're not responsible.  We aren't gonna pay your hospital bills because

you blew off your thumb.  We'll just laugh at you.  WE AREN'T RESPONSIBLE FOR

ANY DAMAGES CAUSED BY USE OF ANY OF THE MATERIAL PRESENTED IN THIS FILE.



You may have noticed that it took us longer than normal to put this issue

together.  This is because we have discovered many really cool (or hot as

the case may be) fire things.  You will also notice that this issue has a

quote at the end.  The quote for this issue is provided by a can of sterno.

If you have any good quotes for us, please tell us.  Thanks to the

overwhelming response to Watson's column in issue 5, we've decided to make

him a regular feature now.  We haven't decided if he will be in every issue

or just every other one.  Again, if you have an opinion on this, please tell

us.  Well, let the fire-making begin.



BB Shotgun:

  These instructions originally appeared in a file (or phile as he spells it)

  written by The Sentinal, a member of Hamr.  However, the original file was

  in all caps, in Macintosh format, and so incredible old (he advertised a

  300 bps BBS) that we decided it was time for a reprint.  Warning, this is

  a very kick ass firearm.  It should not be attempted by anyone who is not

  exceedingly ruley.

 Ingredients:

  a pipe roughly 3 feet long, and VERY heavy.  You don't want this to blow

    up in your hand do you?

  a cap for the pipe, or something to weld on one end of the pipe

  a big firecracker (The Sentinal recommends an M-100)

  alot of toilet paper

  a whole shitload of BB's

 Directions:

  Start by drilling a hole in the cap (or whatever you are gonna weld onto

  the end of the pipe).  The hole should be big enough to allow the fuse

  from your explosive to get through.  Then, weld the cap (or whatever) onto

  one end of the pipe.  You might be able to get away with just tightening

  it real good, but then again, you might not.  Put the firecracker in the

  pipe, with the fuse sticking out the hole.  Now you just need to load the

  gun.  Shove some toilet paper down the pipe.  A wooden dowel or an unfolded

  metal clotheshanger is recommended for this job.  Then pour some BB's down

  the pipe.  Do not pack the BB's or you will get your hand blown off.  Put

  some more toilet paper down the pipe, and then more BB's.  Finally add

  one more layer of toilet paper.  You are now ready to shoot it.

  It would help if you now find something to put on the pipe to hold onto it

  with.  Or, you could mount it on something.  Aim it at whatever you want

  to destroy, light the fuse, and if you are a pussy, cover your ears.  When

  we (The Sentinal and his friends) made it, we used a lead pipe and an

  M-100.  This blew the shit out of a car door.  Imagine what it would do to

  flesh!

 Notes:

  If you are not sure about how strong your pipe is, and how well it will

  hold up under the explosion, lay it down on the ground and fire it.  If

  it holds up, then it's safe to hold in your hand.  If not, then give it

  to your best friend... someone like the not-so-well-known blonde headed

  geek named Daredevil (that was The Sentinal's suggestion, we would

  recommend Watson).  If the possibility of this thing going off in your

  hand and destroying you physically for life scares you, then don't attempt

  it.  It's not like you're holding a quarter stick of dynamite or anything.

  Also, you might consider using gun powder to fire the bb's.  It's a little

  bit easier to get than an M-100.



Gun Powder:

  Have you ever wanted to make gun powder in the convienence of your own

  home?  Well now, thanks to BOOM, you can do just that.  And even better,

  you don't have to rob your school chemistry lab to do it (although, it

  couldn't hurt).

 Ingredients:

  potassium nitrate (common saltpeter!)

  sulphur

  ground charcoal

 Directions:

  Just mix the ingedients together in the prescibed ratios (see below for

  possible ratios).  Then, treat it just like gun powder.

 Notes:

  Yes, potassium nitrate is just common saltpeter.  You ask "so, what's

  saltpeter and where do I get it?"  First of all, for you chemists out

  there, saltpeter is KNO3.  Saltpeter is prepared artifically by decomposing

  native sodium nitrate with potassium chloride.  It's chief use is, you

  guessed it, the manufacture of gun powder, matches, and fireworks.  But,

  it is also a preservation of food.  No,  I'm not kidding.

  Sulphur can also be found at a drug store.  It's commonly used as a

  laxative.

 Ratios:

  For some reason, different various of gun powder are named for countries.

  There are a whole hell of alot of different ratios possible (well, duh)

  but here are the ratios we figured you'd want (numbers are percentages):

     Name                          Saltpeter  Charcoal   Sulfur

   England........................    79         18         3

   Forte..........................    72         15        13

   Lente..........................    40         30        30

   Ordinaire......................    62         18        20



Ground Planted Charge:

  Did you ever wonder how people can make the ground shoot up with the

  greatest of ease (e.g. those movie guys that know more than you or I will

  ever know)?  Well, after many days of experimenting with different things

  we think we have the closest anyone will ever get without having to break

  into the Universal Studios special effects warehouse.

 Ingedients:

  Shovel 

  How ever many rocket engines you think your gonna need

  Fuse

  A good pair of running shoes

 Directions: 

  Once you have everything take the shovel and dig out a piece of the ground

  as big or as small as you want it.  Then take a stick or something and poke

  a hole all the way through the sod.  Afterwards, feed the fuse through that

  hole (make sure the hole is big enough to let the fuse have some room to

  move) and into the hole the rocket engine.  If you want more ground to

  explode tip the engine up-side down so the larger thrust is going up.

  Then all you have to do is put the ground back, pack it down tight, light

  the fuse, run the hell away, and watch from a safe distance.



Cutting Torch/Blow Torch (low heat):

 Ingedients:

  3' long pipe

  block of magnesium (can be found at any camping store/catalog).

  rusty piece of metal

  circular piece of metal

 Directions: 

  Take the pipe and cut off about three to six inches from the top.  Weld

  the circular piece of metal to the long piece of pipe (if you don't have

  access to a welder, check out the instructions for the Home Maid Welder

  in this issue).  After you have done this weld the pipe back together.

  Shave off some particals from the magnesium block and dump them in.  Now

  do the same with the rusty piece of metal and dump those shavings in.  To

  light just drop a match down into the pipe.

 Pretty Diagram:

  XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX - pipe

  X                  magnesium X         X

  X                      &     X         X

  X                    rust    X         X

  XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

                               |

                    circular piece of metal

  

Home Made Welder:

  This one is dedicated to the folks who used to make the MacGyver

  television series.  We saw MacGyver doing this on the show, tried it,

  and to our suprise it actually worked.

 Ingedients:

  car battery charger

  quarter

 Directions:

  Take the car baterry charger and put a quarter into the aligator clip.

  Slowly turn the voltage and ampage up as high as it will go.  But be

  careful, this is very dangerous. You could have many unspeakably painful

  and possibly fatal things to your body if you did something wrong.



Pipe Bomb:

  How could we have been such complete morons!  We forgot to publish

  instructions for the simple pipe bomb.  Well, we are now correcting that

  oversight.  Without further ado, the common pipe bomb.

 Ingedients:

   1 small to medium size thin wall copper pipe (get at any plumbing store).

   gun powder (you can use the stuff we told you how to make in this issue,

     but the real shit will have a better success rate).

   1 real fuse 

  Directions:

   Seal off one end of the pipe and fill the pipe with gun powder.  Now, seal

   off the other end.  Take somthing like an ice pick and jam it in the pipe

   and thread the fuse through the hole.  Light and throw.

  Pretty Diagram:

    /--------------------------\

   |                       ---------- fuse

   |     gun powder            |

    \--------------------------/ pipe



Watson's Thoughts (if any):

  I've had alot of people say, "Watson how can I be like you," okay maybe not

  alot of people, fine so nobody actually said they want to be like me, but

  I know there's some of you out there that would want to, and just haven't

  said something about it because they were afraid there friends would tie

  them up to a big maple tree and set loose there neighbors dog, to pee on

  you while you're screaming "NO NOOO stop it stop it STOP IT!"  Not that

  that's ever happend to me before, or anything, um what was I sayin' oh

  yeah, well this is how to be like Watson first things first, most people

  don't have my intelect, so here's some things you can do to bring your

  intelligence to my level <Editor's Note: you mean DOWN to your level right?>

 Step One - Getting High:

  There are several ways to go about this, many of them illgal.  But there 

  are some very simple ways: rubber glue, markers, apple leaves, and

  propane.  <Editor's Note: Watson, I've got a nice long list of substances 

  for you to try in issue #6.  They're under the heading of "Common 

  Poisonous Plants.">

  A simple one that usually doesn't kill people is apple leaves.  Yes, the

  traditional dried out apple leaf joint is a good way to have a Watson

  IQ.  <Editor's Note: so is being born in Chernobyl.>  Simply dry some

  apple leaves (nice an' brown) roll 'em up smoke 'em. This produces a

  mildly lame buzz. 

  Once you're high you're free to light big fires, and if you're caught 

  you're usually not in as much trouble becuase you where under the

  influence of whatever it was you were high on.  Of course you know WATSON

  TAKES NO RESPONSIBILTY FOR ANY ACTIONS RESULTING FROM THIS ARTICLE.

  Watson may be stupid but even Watson hates lawsuits. <Editor's Note:

  step two of being as cool as Watson: write paragraph long run-ons with

  an average of two spelling errors every three words so that editing your

  work is a living hell.>

  

      Watson just passed out from thinking but he'll be back

                  Watch for Watson only in Boom



Quote of the issue:

  "Do not use near an open flame" - a warning from a can of Sterno.

.

